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En artculo <cf8njd$14b$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk>, "jezz"
<jezztheman@hotmail.com> escribi:

>
> Well at least when you got 'home', you had a roof over your head and food
in
> the cupboard, unlike millions of poor buggers, across the globe. So Don't
> give us your hard luck story.
>
> The only cunt here is YOU.
>
> By the way, Jesus wasn't quote as saying what you claim he "said" They
> didn't have cars when he was alive, only go-karts.

Were they like the karts in Super Mario Kart on the SNES? That'd be fun, a
Super Mario Kart clone based on the best selling novel, The Bible.

Bowser = Satan
Donkey Kong = Roman Centurion
Princess Toadstool = Mary Magdalene
Yoshi = The Holy Donkey
Koopa Troopa = Judas
Toadstool Head = Pharisee
Luigi = Peter
Mario = Jesus

Right, the details.

Satan : obviously some sort of flamey shit spewing forth, but maybe a
special attack that sends the victim into a desert for forty days and forty
nights. Might detract from the flow of the game slightly if Player 2 has to
wait for nearly six weeks before he rejoins the action. Poor
manoeuverability. Cracking top speed. Engine has a tendency to overheat.

Roman Centurion : Kicks, jabs, spits and deposits crowns of thorns as
obstacles for the other competitors. Special attack : Crucifriction - glues
a full sized cross to the recipient's car and causes a substantial loss of
speed. Same limitations as Satan's kart.

Mary Magdalene : The Love interest, as sexy as Penelope Pitstop without the
ceaseless wailing and the tying to railway lines and with the hairiest muff
this side of Lake Galilee. Excellent agility and has the Temptation attack
as her key strength. Other competitors come skidding to a halt as she
projects an image of her fabulous breasts into the sky. Not the fastest kart
though.

The Holy Donkey : A mainstay of Joseph and Mary's lives, the Holy Donkey may
not have many tricks up its sleeve but crash into one of its Mount Dungheaps
and you'll wave goodbye to first slot.

Judas : The unsung hero of the Bible and frequently misunderstood, Judas has
the best acceleration of all the protagonists due to his constant running
away from angry disciples. He's not all coward though, get in the way of one
of his thirty pieces of silver and you'll be off the track quicker than you
can say "Parable of the Prodigal Son".

Pharisee : Was slightly miffed when Jesus strode into the temple and
overturned his stall which, at the time, sold a crucifixion scene in one of
those little snow orbs wot you turn upside down and it looks like it's
snowing. Out for revenge against Jesus and will stop at nothing, including
the use of his BlasFumer attack which vomits a cloud of oily smoke
immediately behind his kart.

the thick fucker everything three times), Peter is as pious as they come.
Strictly adheres to Jesus' teachings but has probably the weakest special
attack in the game. His epistles to Rome take three working days to arrive,
a couple of days for Caesar to ponder and three more working days for a
response. In the form of a letter. Impossible to knock off the track.

marvellous than the Bible would have you believe. His cart, while solidly
built has the lowest top speed in the game and its agility is also somewhat
less than what the Son of God deserves. However, if you piss him off, you'll
have to contend with his Righteous Smiteous attack which sends the sinner
straight to hell for eternity. Weak against Centurion's Cruxifriction
attack.

Not sure about tracks though. Golgotha definitely, as the challenge of
dodging the bouncing crosses would be interesting, Lake Galilee definitely,
the Sermon on the Mount 150cc Grand Prix and finally, Revurrection which
takes place across Heaven and Earth.

I think Nintendo would be mad to pass this opportunity up.