"Ben Smith" <bensmithtoonfan@hotmail.com> escribió en el mensaje
news:f54b1c38.0405090618.3dc3237d@posting.google.com...
> Hot or Not?.
>
> I think not.
>
> Regards,
>
> Ben Smith

Ben, I don't want to appear cruel but the next time you insist on making a
post, before you do I implore you to carry out a few simple tasks. First,
I'd like you to get a normal, everyday cheese grater and apply it vigorously
and quite firmly to your knuckles (either hand will do...perhaps your
masturbating hand is best). Don't worry when you start chipping bone, this
is all part of the ceremony.

Now that your hand is all gory and in not-inconsiderable pain, I want you to
take your atrophied and quite probably, sterile, gonads and place them in a
vice. Rotate the vice until your bollocks explode. You may be thinking at
this point, "Man, I can't take much more of these self-mutilation games."
This is entirely natural. Don't worry one jot. We're still quite a way from
your epiphany.

Have you seen "Payback" with Mel Gibson? Good. I'd like you to carry out the
scene where Porter (Gibson) has some of his toes twatted with a big hammer.
Unlike the film however, we're not going to stop at two toes. Oh
no!!11one!lambada! We're going to do the whole shebang!!!11

If you're feeling a bit dizzy with all the pain, blood loss and shock, I'd
advise you to take a couple of aspirin and a medium-sized glass of water.
The next step isn't entirely pleasant either. What we're going to do here
Ben, is to have you cut your erect nipples off with a pair of manicure
scissors. Don't worry, this is the last step, I promise.

I'm sorry if all of the above hurts, but eventually, you'll realise that
when you post one of your eye-meltingly, bone-crunchingly, star-explodingly
banal messages, these steps carry one-billionth of the immense pain and
anguish you create all across the world.

Thanks, regards, fridges and Stork margarine,
Tony