a guess, but with modern carbon predictodating techniques, microcuntricidal
futragrams and naked probability modelling ramtwig insertions, we're able to get a
pretty good idea of most things these days.

Here's what the government's most powerful computers reckon...

==
2020:

Not a great deal has changed, really.  Due to a sudden influx of billionaires into
the game just after the turn of the century, the predicted transfer market collapse
never really materialised and football is still a big-money game.  The Nationwide
League was successfully re-branded to "The Football League Championship" in 2006,
then to "Premier League sub-divisions 1, 2 and 2.5" in 2010, then "The SuperLeagues"
in 2013, then "Really, we're much more exciting than the Premiership (divisions 1,
1.11 and 1.111)" in 2017, and finally "You bastards.  Fuck off and support the
glamour-clubs then, see if we care (1, 2 and 3)" in 2019.

St James' Park now has a capacity of 178,000 and is sold out for every match.
Previous problems involving the pitch not getting enough sunlight have been solved
with the introduction of the world's first "PitchRoof (tm)", where the pitch actually
forms the roof of the stadium when the games aren't being played, allowing the
covered arena below to house rock concerts, and is then lowered to ground-level on
matchdays in perfect condition.  Bobby Robson is still manager of the team, Newcastle
United, and they still haven't won a trophy this millennium.  Some pundits predict
they never will.

The offside rule, after much modification and over-complication, was abolished in
2005 in favour of a much more workable "goal-hanging cunt" rule which has no concrete
black-or-white definitions and is entirely at each referee's discretion.  It proved
to be the end of Ruud Van Nistlerooy's career.  Chelsea, unsurprisingly, have emerged
as the dominant force in English football, although these days they face stiff
competition at the top of the table from Chelsea 2nd XI and Chelsea 4th XI, the only
surprise omission from the Champion's League places being Chelsea 3rd XI who were
relegated in 2012 after many of their best players went on strike.  "We were
_promised_ 2nd XI football or better!!111!", they bleated in a press-conference.

==
2050:

Following the Glasgow Bombings in 2025, in which a rotund and dangerously gay
suicide-activist calling himself "The People's Non-Cuntformist Front Of England"
attended an Old Firm game at Ibrox (or Ground Zero as it's now called) with a warhead
up his arses, the dominance of the SPL by Rangers and Celtic has finally ended.  Hibs
and Hearts rule the roost these days, the latter even boasting an Intertoto Cup to
add to their eleven consecutive Scottish League titles.

Back in Blighty, footballers enjoy training facilities the likes of which might once
have been unimaginable.  Holographic opponents, zero-gravity weight-lifting and a
machine that goes "PING!!11" when they score.  It's all good.  Liverpool ply their
trade in the Conference.

Bobby Robson is enjoying his third spell in charge of the England team, his proudest
moment coming in the semi-finals of the 2048 World Cup, where they went out to Iraq
on penalties in front of a packed Hengrove Park.  Iraq went on to lift the trophy
after defeating the United States in what would later be named "The Chemical Final".
As the new Wembley Stadium nears completion, it looks as if this year's FA Cup really
will be the last to be played out at the Millennium Stadium, although no-one's been
holding their breath just yet.  Unless they were at The Chemical Final.

==
2270:

Football, or "SKYball" as it's now known, is a very different game these days.
Bi-polar climatic extremes from one season to the next have seen the phasing-out of
all outdoor stadia, and matches are now played in covered, air conditioned arenas to
crowds of up to 500,000.  The rules are essentially the same, except that the
tendency of latter 20th Century referees to over-protect goalkeepers has now been
taken to it's logical conclusion with the introduction of the "make any contact with
the goalie whatsoever and you're off" rule.  Goalmouth scrambles have therefore
become a thing of the past, as have the classic one-on-one encounters as they would
invariably result in the goalkeeper flinging himself wildly at the onrushing striker
in a desperate attempt to make contact and win the match by default.

Technological developments have also seen the ball become something rather
spectacular in itself.  At an estimated production cost of eight million pounds a
unit (almost as much as the boots, in fact) the new-look matchball can travel faster,
swerve better and generally go in the goal more than ever before.  No-one
demonstrates this better than four year-old Brazilian prodigy Roberto Robertinho and
his trademark 60-yard free kicks.

==
3410:

SKYball is now made from pure thought, and played by cyborclones on the planet Sky
following the collapse of Earth's solar system and the subsequent re-location of it's
twenty-two billion inhabitants.  Many of the best players have been re-created using
genetic modelling and nanotrons from the stars of the past, like Pele, Maradona,
Robertinho, Vraphod, Dr Kruknik, Zama Zama Zama Zama, #38333, The One (the Only One),
General Imshab Makir 5.2 and the man now widely regarded as the greatest player ever,
Gareth Barry.

The stadia are the size of pin-heads, and a standard game lasts for anything between
one and three hundredths of a second, depending on stoppages, although a recent
Premiership encounter between Industrial Zone 7 and Residential Zone 12 was over
before it had even started when someone accidentally made eye-contact with the
goalkeeper during the coin-toss and earned his side a default 10-0 loss in the
process, as well as a lifetime suspension for himself and the next twelve generations
of his family.

Scientists are still arguing over whether or not the ball crossed the line in 1966,
and Newcastle never did win another trophy.  Some things, I guess, never change.

Sorry, I'm afraid I can't see any further into the future than that.

Joe
--
"his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of
people and animals...."