> I was once offered a job as a sex-phone operator. Whatever that is -- the
> alley was dark.
>

Ah, the sex-phone. Invented before WW2 by Wim van Boogaloo, a Belgian
scientist, on the back of the Great Belgian Porn Explosion of '35, it
was sadly suppressed by the uptight Nazis before the full potential of
the sex-phone was realised. Only in recent years are von Boogaloo's
technologies again being taken up by unscrupulous multinationals
operating under cover of a variety of front companies. Basically, it
works like this. Person A, the "operator" (let's call her, oh, I don't
know, "VB") sits in a call centre somewhere in Genk with her bits
attached to the reciever and transmitter of the sex-phone. When
someone, let's call him "ST", wishes to have sex with someone far
away, he places a call on his own sex phone, having first attached the
relevant parts to the relevant parts. He gives VB the sex-phone number
of his intended recipient, and she acts as the "connector" in this
three-way sex-ménage while he gets down to business. This may sound
like your bog-standard teledildonics, but wait! Von Boogaloo's genius
lay in placing the groundwork for the possibility of all your normal
telephone service add-ons. So you can leave an orgasm on the sex-phone
answering machine for picking up later, select "friends and", erm,
"family" for cheaper calls, or get free minutes connecting to
sex-phone users on the same network. Von Boogaloo's original version
looked like one of those old stand-up telephones with the detachable
earpiece bit -- in fact the telephone used by Bing Crosby in "Anything
Goes" (1936) is really a sex-phone, if you look carefully you can see
him creaming his pants just before he says "yes, officer, I'll be
there right away". Bing was one of the first sex-phone addicts, and
continues to use it today from beyond the grave. With today's
minituarizing technologies, they now resemble a smaller stand-up
telephone with a detachable earpiece bit. Oh, look, I've kind of lost
my way here. The main purpose was just to use the word "sex-phone" as
much as possible, but I've kind of painted myself into a corner now,
not only which, but also kind of bored myself. If anyone's still
reading, thanks for sticking with it, and I apologise that the rewards
were so meagre. Still: sex-phone. Sex-phone, sex-phone, sex-phone.
There. I think that kind of rescued it.

Sex-phone.

gra