opinions taken into account.  All opinions except those held by Snaps who
has again taken the moral high ground in refusing to get involved in a
pointless debate over the contents of a FAQ which will not be read by the
evil demons who post piles of goolies to the group.


__________
This document is the definitive guide to posting on this newsgroup.  Should
you wish to post, you must read this guide and act upon it.  If you have
already posted an article in contravention to this article, then if I were you
mate, I would become a master of disguise.  Pop down to your local joke
shop and obtain a pair of comedy breasts and pretend to be that Melinda
bird from the Sun, cos she's too thick to use a computer and you won't be
suspected.  Otherwise heaven help you when that ugly tart bogeyman
Jambo continues his sabbatical from alt.sport.footy.euro.UK (right on!) to
insanely rant you to death in person.  

1. How Should I Post a New Article?

To introduce yourself, there are 2 options, you may wish to make a salient
point about an interesting aspect football that you believe merits
discussion.  Something along the lines of:

----

"As a supporter of Bury Football Club, I have become increasingly
concerned that a small and growing section of the press are being negative
about our play.  We are a small club, attracting only about 37 supporters
when the sun shines, who pay a couple of quid for a season ticket and
refuse to eat our horse poo pies at a fiver each.  Therefore we cannot afford
real footballers and instead need half a dozen nightclub brick shithouses
lining the penalty box meting out random atrocities.  This gives us a
chance against the quality stylish adventurous play of whoever is to take
over from Mark McTwat at Wolves when he pisses off to Sheff Weds"
----

This kind of post will not however gain any replies as it will not even be
read by the majority of the inhabitants of the group.  If we analyse the
reasons for this:

1)  Classic clanger, mentioning Bury in the title.  99% of the group will not
even open the thread as it does not contain either of the big clubs,
Manchester United, or Manchester United;

2)  You have used words such as "increasingly" which has about 9
syllables.  99% of the remaining 1% of posters hit "next" at this point.

3)  There are no insulting references to Sc*tland *


Correcting these fundamental errors, your first post should go along the
lines of:

----------

Hi, being Icelandic, I'm new to Gridiron, can any of you Scottish
arsebandits explain why Roy Keane is a cunt of American proportions?

TTFN

Julie Jay
-----
Signature:

ARsenal 976 leagues campings (hopingdefanetely)

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End of Message

[For those of you who have a proportional font, (in best Bob Mortimer
voice), here is how the ASCII art should look]

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------

This post has all the classic ingredients.  If it doesn't incite our chums
north of the border, it will annoy those ESN's over the pond into mindless
star spangled projectile verbal diorrhea (that is if they can are not too busy
serving up Italian Caribineri style justice against our oh-so-innocent English
citizens and have time to read Usenet).

Here the game starts - a version of "Mornington Crescent", only the
objective is to get the above post back sufficiently close to enable a chap
called Red Devil to post:

"Yeah, but Andy Cole is the best striker in the game, just look at his
record of 2 goals per second since playing for Man Utd."

It usually takes about 2 posts to achieve this.



*  The spelling of Sc*tland is to piss off all those poor sods who try and kill
any articles with Sc*tland in them...
-- 
Gladys

(Oohh - he's not as funny as he used to be you know)